1. My wife and i divorced over religious differences. She thought she was god and I didn't
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2. I doin't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
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3. I work had because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
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4. Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
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5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
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6. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
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7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
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8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
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10. Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
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11. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
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12. Out of my mind - Be back in 5 minutes.
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13. Nyquil - the stuffy, sneezy, why the hell is the room spinning medince.
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14. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
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15. God must love s tupid people: He made so many of them.
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